The one thing that I promised myself years ago was that no matter what was happening and how difficult it might be, if I am not happy I change it. This is something I apply to relationships, to homes, to jobs, to lifestyle choices. It is not quite so simple in practice as it is in theory, some of the people I have had to leave, some of the things I have done, have not been easy. Giving up my job and leaving my friends and family to travel to the other side of the world with no idea how long I might be away or what I might do was one of the hardest but most rewarding experiences of my life. Leaving someone I still loved deeply when I was a young girl was like removing a part of myself (which I never got back) but it was necessary because I was unhappy and I know now that it was the right decision however long it took me to be ok again.
I have been home for a year now and I promise myself still that if I am truly unhappy, I will do the same again and leave whatever I need to be happy. I am not saying I make these decisions over night, a lot of deliberating about what it is exactly that needs to be changed and how I will go about doing it is always necessary, but worth it in the end.
The other things I live by are being true to myself, however difficult and lonely that is at times. I have chosen a different kind of life and at the moment I am not able to share it with everyone in the way I would like to. I spent many unhappy years trying to be like everyone else, trying to fit in, trying to want the things you are supposed to, but I learned that I would never be happy that way and started learning and creating the person I really wanted to be, I am still in that process right now, but it feels right. I am not likely to settle down with a husband and a family any time soon, although that is what most of my friends are doing at this age. They think I am just waiting on the right man coming along. They don’t know that actually I am not waiting on anything, I am working relentlessly trying to build the kind of life I want to live, trying to create something great and even if I don’t succeed, I am being true to myself and what I really want to do and that makes me happy.