I wish I could say that I have it all figured out, that I have a definite, solid belief in fate, or faith, but the truth is, everything I know I have to reteach myself every day; everything I think I know I question nearly every day; every time I read or hear a new way of thinking about it, I think to myself “That is also completely possible”.
Don’t get me wrong, there are days when I do see things in a clear way, on those days, I would say I believe in the universe. In fact, actually on every day I believe in what I call the universe and that “it” (“it/the universe” being something that I believe is actually impossible for humans to define or articulate, in the same way that people may believe that you would never be able to comprehend seeing God. I just choose not to personify God, because I believe that in some way that takes some of the power and the magic away from it and leaves it more open for people to challenge its existence, but I do not know that I am right and others are wrong) … anyway I believe that it exists in a perfect state of balance between all forces of life, matter and spirit. I do not believe that there is someone per se making all the decisions or that it is written in a book like in The Adjustment Bureau (although I love that film) but I believe there is a symmetry, a pattern to existence and to the universe which connects all things. I believe this energy connects everything, from gases, to molecules, to mass, to dark matter, to stars, to light, time, speed, to plants, to the earth to every “thing” in existence. The universe is a massive living entity that we are all a very intrinsic part of.
That is how I explain life to myself. What it does not explain is “why”.
It does not explain the reasons for it all and this is where I have never really found any theory that truly satisfies me. I believe that life has some ultimate purpose and that my soul is on a journey and that somehow my personal journey is connected to the journey of the earth and the journey of the universe. When I am on my true path, I feel it, my soul is lighter, I move fluidly, I experience such satisfaction and happiness; when I am on the wrong path, I feel desolate and sad and alone. These gut feelings are some of the only things I can ever truly know. I know that my journey is very important to me, and that it affects the other people who come into my life.
There is a part of me that thinks that it is possible that the only reason people have this awareness of life is purely scientific, perhaps the universe evolved in such a way to create human beings with this “sense of self”, this reasoning and belief system so that as a species we can live longer, in turn enabling the earth and the universe to survive longer also. However I don’t think human beings are anywhere near as powerful in this regard as we tend to believe. I do not believe that something as miniscule to the universe as human beings have any serious effect on it. I think as I said before that the universe exists the way it does exactly the way it should, and that humans are a part of that existence. That also still leaves a hell of a lot unexplained and if you have ever read about the scientific theories of existence and the big bang theory, then you will know they can only ever explain things to a certain extent – they only know what happened 10−37 seconds after the big bang, not what caused it and to me that is the crux – who cares if a big bang caused the universe to come into existence – if it did not exist before, how and why did it come into existence? This is where spiritual or religious beliefs have some merit – unless of course you believe that the universe always existed in a state of never ending change and expansion (I tend to like that idea).
In terms of the events that happen in your life. I think really many westerners have a very distorted view of what we do and do not have control over in life. A lot of things that we think happen to us in fact do not happen to us at all, they happen to other people and we then feel something about it, for instance when and how people you care about die or leave your life. I also think that most things in our lives that we think happen to us only happen because of the decisions we have made, right down to what we choose to think. I believe that everything we think, feel, say and do is a choice, not being aware of making the choices does not mean we are not making them, it just means we are making decisions blindly and I believe you can learn to consciously make the decisions to live the kind of life you want to live.
So when people talk about fate, they are generally talking about the things that happen to you in life, but actually there is very little that happens to you in life that is not a result of decisions you have made. I do not however believe in coincidence, I believe that everything that happens in your life and everything that comes into your life comes to teach you something, for your evolution, to make you grow as a spiritual being. I think the people who come into your life are also there to teach you about life and love and I think you are drawn to people that you know will either help you or teach you. Sometimes you meet people in life and you know that this person is a part of your life for a reason, something has connected you to them, this could again be fate, divinity, or simply these particles of energy doing the work of the universe.
Perhaps the whole point is to learn to love your life and your universe and everyone in it and then it really doesn’t matter why or how or who made it, or whether everything is happening for a reason or not, if you learn to live in each moment and to love it becomes less important whether it is you who is responsible or some divine force or entity. I believe that everything is possible, but that you have to believe in something. I think if you learn to love and take care of yourself and others with every thought, word and action, then whatever the reason is and whatever happens when you die, you cannot go wrong.
Or in other words – “I don’t have a bloody clue, but what a blast considering all the possibilities”.